


Affection Shouldn't Hurt This Much

by orphan_account



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Longing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Shadows (Persona 4)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:06:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9949463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Souji and Yosuke keep bottling up their romantic feelings for each other, and their Shadows are suffering because of it.  No matter how close the Shadows get to each other or how much affection they give, it isn't enough to stop the constant ache for contact. It's annoying, really.





	

Being a Shadow was much more difficult than one would expect. At first glance, it seems pretty straightforward; either kill your other self and become your own person, or be accepted by them and become “whole” once again. Despite the fact that the Shadow of Yosuke Hanamura had already been accepted, transfigured into a Persona, and should no longer exist, he found himself sitting in the fog-enshrouded shopping district of the TV world. Yes, things were certainly  _ difficult  _ when your other self was oblivious, clumsy, and afraid of rejection. Fortunately- or perhaps  _ un _ fortunately- Yosuke’s Shadow wasn’t alone in berating his counterpart, as another Shadow was in a far too similar position. While Yosuke’s Shadow shouldn’t exist anymore, Souji Seta’s Shadow should have never existed in the first place. Yet here he was, leaning  his head against Shadow Yosuke’s shoulder while the brunette’s own head laid on top of his. 

As it turns out, two teenagers suppressing their feelings for each other caused a lot more trouble than anyone had originally planned. Their constant inner turmoil was enough to give birth to a pair of Shadows, who were suffering much more than them. The moment the Shadows were aware they were conscious, they’d grabbed hands and hadn’t lost physical contact for more than a second since, almost as if a magnetic force was pulling them together. It wouldn’t be all bad if all they needed to do was hold hands, but the desire for more touch was enough to drive anyone mad. It wasn’t exactly painful- not in a physical sense- but the constant need for affection from both parties couldn’t be satisfied no matter how intimate the two Shadows got. Sometimes it would be bearable enough to just lay in each other’s arms or hold hands, while other times it would be frustrating to the point where they were convinced that even melding their two bodies together wouldn’t be enough to quell the desire for closeness. 

“You okay?” A smooth, even-toned voice broke the silence.

Yosuke’s Shadow scoffed at the question from his unwilling company. They both felt exactly the same, so there was no point in asking such an obvious thing. “Just peachy, thanks for asking.”

The silver haired Shadow merely hummed in response. 

“It’s just fucking ridiculous, you know?” The brunette lifted his head off of the other Shadow’s, unconsciously wrapping his arm around his “partner’s” shoulders, and pulling him closer. “We both  _ know _ we like each other, but we won’t say anything just because we’re scared of ‘what ifs!’” 

“It is, indeed, fucking ridiculous.” Shadow Souji agreed, taking note that his yellow-eyed companion was getting ready to go on another rant. They’d had the same conversation dozens of times now, but it was always a reoccurring topic. “I don’t think it’ll be too much longer, though. I’m starting to get more impatient than afraid, so I’ll crack soon.”

“Well, at least  _ one of us _ has the balls to take the initiative. I’ve tried confessing twice already and chickened out both times!” 

“I think it was three, actually. Didn’t you mention you almost said something when I helped you at work?”

“... God, you’re right.” Yosuke’s Shadow groaned in annoyance at his other self’s cowardice.

“Well,” Shadow Souji said, as he began untangling himself from Shadow Yosuke’s arm, and positioned himself so he was now straddling his best friend’s lap. “If I have to be stuck with anyone, I’m glad it’s you.”

“Same. You’re not as much of a hardass as I thought Partner’s Shadow would be.” The brunette placed his hands on the other’s boney hips. 

The slightly taller Shadow frowned at being differentiated with with his parallel. “Well, you aren’t as whiny as I thought Yosuke’s Shadow would be.”

The two Shadows glowered at one another, identical pairs of yellow eyes not daring to look away. This time was Yosuke’s Shadow who broke the silence.

“Are we going to make out or what?”

 

\---

 

The first time the Shadows felt relief from their constant desire for contact came as a bit of a surprise for both of them. It made sense in retrospect; if their “real” selves’ need for affection was satisfied, it was only natural that their Shadows’ would too. It came as a shock to everyone that it was  _ Yosuke _ of all people who initiated it.

Both teenagers were lying on their backs, staring up at the bright blue sky from the comfort of the Samegawa Floodplain, and making idle conversation. There wasn’t anything too special about that day- both boys just happened to have some free time, and decided to spend it together while the weather was nice. The floodplain was rather quiet, and not wanting to disrupt the peace, Souji and Yosuke decided to relax and enjoy each other’s company. Souji had caught the attention of a few stray cats when they’d first arrived, and Yosuke wasn’t sure if they were familiar to his friend or he was just the kind of person that cats were naturally interested in. He decided it was best not to question it.

For now they were content just watching the clouds pass by, occasionally pointing out a vague shape that could be made from them. After the constant stress of running around in the TV, worrying about the case, and whatever school had to throw at them, it felt pacifying to do an idle activity such as this.

“I hope I don’t get grass stains on my shirt after this…” Yosuke muttered sleepily.

“You probably will. I was going to do laundry when I got home anyway, so I’m not too worried about it.” Souji replied, staring at a particularly fluffy cloud.

“That’s probably a good idea. This is my favorite shirt, I don’t want to ruin it.”

Gray eyes tore away from the sky to examine the dazed teen. Yosuke was wearing the same v-neck shirt he always seemed to wear whenever Souji saw him. At least, he was pretty sure it was the same one… He hadn’t thought much about it at first, but it was certainly worth noting that his partner seemed to have a rather static fashion sense. The way he saw it, it could mean one of three things-

One; Yosuke washes that shirt everyday.

Two; Yosuke wears the same dirty shirt everyday.

Three; Yosuke has an entire closet of the exact same shirt.

“Do you always wear that shirt?” Souji asked, voicing his thoughts.

“Huh? Oh! Um…” The brunette looked over at his partner with wide eyes. “Not always! I mean, I bought a few shirts like this, but that’s just because they were on sale… You’re acting like I wear the same thing everyday!”

Souji broke out laughing at his friend’s way of defending himself. It was ridiculous in all honesty, but coming from Yosuke, it was quite endearing. Still, he took a slight comfort in the fact that he’d been mistaken, and his partner wasn’t stuck wearing the  _ exact same thing _ every day. The thought of Yosuke having an entire closet consisting of the same outfit was definitely amusing, though...  

“Hey, c’mon, it’s not funny!” Despite his protests, Yosuke couldn’t help but smile.

“Okay, okay, sorry!” The silver haired teen said, attempting to quell his laughter. “I don’t usually pay too much attention to people’s clothing but-”

“Then why’d you call me out like that!?”

“- _ But,  _ I definitely noticed that you usually wear the same kind of shirt, at least. You know, the v-neck?”

Yosuke was about to continue his protesting, but turned his attention back to the sky and started making a mental checklist of his wardrobe. They weren’t  _ all _ the same. Of course, now that we was thinking about it, most of them were primarily white, orange, or something similar, and he definitely had a lot of v-necks. He sighed at the realization that he was a fashion disaster, and ran a hand through his hair.

“Crap, you’re right.”

Souji’s laughter picked up again, echoing through the quiet floodplain, and ringing in Yosuke’s ears. If there were anyone else closeby, the two of them would definitely be getting some odd looks by this point. The two young men sat up; Souji to catch his breath, and Yosuke because he didn’t want to be the only one laying down. 

“It’s not  _ that _ funny.” Yosuke said with a small pout while he half-heartedly rubbed his partner’s back.

“I guess not.” Souji answered, his laughter dying down to a small giggling fit. “It’s just that it’s so  _ you. _ ”

Yosuke removed his hand, slightly offended at the accusation, “What’s the supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know? There are just some things you do that I can only describe as ‘that’s so  _ Yosuke. _ ’ It kind of happens when I’m shopping too. Sometimes I see something that reminds me of you or something I think you’d like.” Souji’s laughing fit had completely subsided at this point, but a smile still lingered on his face.

Yosuke stared wide-eyed at his partner for a moment. Knowing that Souji was kind enough to think about him sometimes was a bit embarrassing, but it certainly made him feel  _ wanted _ and  _ important.  _ He recalled a few times where Souji had simply tossed him a seemingly irrelevant object, and simply said “you’d probably like this” before dropping the subject completely. They weren’t usually anything flashy- a phone strap, a CD from a band he’d never heard of, some type of candy… He never thought much of it, just assuming that someone had given it to Souji and he didn’t want it, so he pawned it off to Yosuke. He’d always liked his strange little gifts though. The bead strap with small, detailed patterns painted on it was still attached to his phone, he’d discovered a new band or two that he liked from the CDs, and Souji always seemed to give him the  _ exact _ type of candy he’d been craving. 

“It’s really that easy to tell what I like, huh?” Yosuke scratched his head. “But, uh, when you say ‘that’s so Yosuke,’ you mean it in a  _ good _ way, right?”

Souji’s smile softened, “Of course. You have your faults, like how you don’t think before you speak, half the time you don’t notice when you’ve done something wrong, you’re constantly seeking approval-”

“This doesn’t sound like ‘in a good way.’”

“-And you’re getting into the habit of  _ interrupting me- _ ”

“Sorry.”

“But… You always want to put people close to you first. You’re sympathetic and caring, and you’d do anything for people who need your help. You always work as hard as you can, even if you’re exhausted. There’s so much about you that’s endearing, even the little details.”

Yosuke blinked, “Little details…?”

“Yeah. I’ve just noticed some stuff about you that you probably don’t even notice you’re doing. That’s probably how I noticed your fashion sense, actually.” Souji was half-teasing about that last part, but it wasn’t unlikely. He was always realizing new things about Yosuke, so it made sense he would notice his looks too.

The brunette scoffed and playfully shoved the smirking high schooler next to him, “Like you have any right to talk about what I wear. You wear popped collars every day!”

Souji stopped for a moment and reached to touch the collar of his shirt, which was, unsurprisingly, popped. The boy with the silver hair began a laughing fit for the third time that day, and Yosuke couldn’t help but join him.

“Hey, so what were those ‘little details’ you were talking about? I don’t do anything weird do I?” Yosuke asked once they both calmed down.

“Not really  _ weird. _ ” Souji answered, wrapping his arms around his knees and looking forward instead of at his friend. It would be easier to say these things if he wasn’t saying it directly to Yosuke’s face. “You just have some tics. Like, when you’re thinking about something you chew on your tongue, or when you’re focusing too hard you tilt your head to the side. When you’re embarrassed you either freeze up and stare at whoever you’re talking to, or completely refuse to look at them- which completely contradict each other by the way. You always get the same thing when you order food, but it’s usually something different from each restaurant. What else…? Oh, when you’re listening to one of your favorite songs, you bob your head a little bit, and-”

Souji stopped short, realizing that he was blabbering at this point, and the fact that he knew all of these things might come off as a bit unnerving. He cautiously turned his head towards Yosuke to gauge his reaction to his sudden confession. The brunette just stared at him wide-eyed and started chewing his tongue; a sign that while Souji’s list of his endearing traits was embarrassing and a bit surprising, he was still mulling over the information. Yosuke seemed to become aware of his habits since Souji told them to him, and snapped out of whatever reverie he was in.

“You noticed all that stuff about me?” Yosuke said quietly.

“Yeah…” Souji said, and laid back down on the grass, gazing up at the sky to avoid looking at the other young man.

Yosuke stared at him for a moment or two before laying down on the plush greenery next to Souji, and cautiously placing his hand on top of his partner’s. Souji glanced down to where Yosuke’s calloused hand touched his, then turned to look at Yosuke himself. The brunette was focused on the blue above with a relaxed expression and daring not to look away, though his stiff posture gave away how nervous and unsure he was. The boy with the silver hair gave a small smile before lacing their fingers together and turning his attention to the sky to point out a cloud that was vaguely shaped like a horse.

 

Within the world of human thought, two Shadows felt the constant ache in their hearts finally relax. Their hands were intertwined much like their counterparts, and for once they felt satisfied with such a small amount of contact. They both knew it wouldn’t last long, that despite the heartfelt moment and affectionate gesture, neither one of their parallels would confess their feelings to the other today. For now, they both decided to enjoy the moment of peace bestowed upon them before the sudden rush of suppressed emotions attacked them again.

 

\---

 

Shadow Souji latched onto the side of his partner’s neck, licking and biting the tender flesh, determined to leave as many bright marks on the other’s skin as he possibly could. No one else would around to admire his handy work, but it didn’t matter to him as long as he could see the bruises that littered Yosuke’s Shadow’s skin while the two were together. It wasn’t completely unbearable quite yet, but the need for closeness was growing in the pits of the Shadows’ stomachs once again. For now, Souji’s Shadow decided that he could bear to start out a bit slow and tease his partner for a while. 

Shadow Yosuke dug his fingers into the other’s hips and tilted his head to the side to give easier access to his neck, relishing in the feeling of wet kisses and teeth teasing his skin. It was almost amazing how good the two had gotten at the simple acts of kissing over the past few weeks, though not entirely surprising. There wasn’t much to do inside the TV world, so naturally most of their time was spent either wandering around aimlessly or making a futile attempt to quell their desires. It had been sloppy at first- neither they nor their counterparts had any experience with such intimacies- but the two Shadows had quickly caught onto what to do and what not to do. Not only had they become quite skilled with their lips and tongues, but they’d learned the exact actions that would leave the other weak in the knees. It gave them both a sense of pride to know that they possessed a skill that their parallels didn’t.

It was something that made them unique instead of a copy.

While Shadow Souji was biting and sucking away at his neck, Yosuke’s Shadow not-so-subtly slid his hands down to grip Shadow Souji’s ass. He could feel the silver haired Shadow quietly laugh in amusement against his neck at the action, and couldn’t help but let a small small grace his own lips as well. Neither were especially vocal during their intimate moments, but they weren’t completely silent either. A few sighs and moans would be let loose, usually only loud enough to be heard by the other, but no one else would’ve been alerted to them had any other sentient being been around. That didn’t mean that there weren’t ways to increase their volume, though.

Souji’s Shadow slowly pulled away from Yosuke’s Shadow’s neck and wiped the excess saliva pooling around his mouth with his sleeve.

“You done?” Shadow Yosuke asked and raised a brow.

“With your neck, at least. I just like marking you up, if I’m being honest.” Shadow Souji responded with a small smirk beginning to take form.

“Well, there’s better uses for your mouth, if you ask me.” Yosuke’s Shadow licked his dry lips and continued, “I think your pretty little lips would be used best wrapped around my-”

“Yeah, yeah, maybe later.” The silver haired Shadow rolled his eyes and looped his arms around Shadow Yosuke’s neck. 

The brunette snickered, “You can’t blame me for trying.”

Souji’s Shadow didn’t respond, instead opting to press their lips together.

 

\---

 

The second time the Shadows felt relief from their desire for closeness was slightly less of a surprise. When Yosuke agreed to sleep over Souji’s house for the night, both Shadows hadn’t expected much, but they had certainly been  _ hoping.  _ A simple, awkward confession would do wonders for both the young men and their Shadows.

The two were both lounging on the sofa in Souji’s room in their pajamas, watching some cheesy kung-fu movie that Chie had let them borrow. Or more specifically, Chie forced the DVD into Souji’s hands saying that he “just  _ had _ to watch it,” and when Souji suggested he watch it with Yosuke, Chie made him promise that Yosuke wasn’t allowed to lay a hand on it. Apparently he was still on thin ice from the “Trial of the Dragon” incident. It was exactly what you’d expect to see in Chie’s film collection- a movie made in the 80s about cyborg ninjas and a kidnapped princess or something.

Yosuke’s attention kept wavering whenever a scene completely lost his interest, and his mind would start wandering to various, seemingly random things. At one point he caught himself spacing out about a cat cafe that he remembered opened in Okina City recently, which turned into a fantasy about going there with Souji. Cats certainly liked Souji, and Souji definitely liked them back, so Yosuke figured he would probably have the time of his life. 

The brunette snapped out of his reverie momentarily to peek at the boy next to him, and saw Souji resting his cheek against his palm and staring at the small TV screen with a blank stare. Yosuke decided that his friend was either spacing out like he had been doing through most of the movie, or he was extremely focused on whatever scene was happening at the moment. He assumed it was the former, and turned his attention back to the screen with disinterest. He was completely lost at what was happening in the movie at this point due to his wondering mind, but he was back to spacing out mere moments later, so it didn’t even matter in the end.

Yosuke had the fleeting thought of wrapping an arm around Souji’s shoulders, but came to the conclusion that it wasn’t the best idea considering that he didn’t have a good excuse or escape plan if Souji reacted negatively. They’d held hands that one time at the floodplain, sure, but that still wasn’t enough solid evidence for Yosuke to attempt to move their relationship from platonic to romantic. Souji was known to some odd things, and could be pretty affectionate when he wanted to be, after all. Even so, Yosuke was still a bit unnerved by the fact that he was attracted to another boy, his  _ partner  _ nonetheless, but had started to come to terms with it. Mostly with some help from the internet. He could take his time before he talked to Souji about it, and even if he didn’t return his feelings, he knew his friend would be supportive of him. That didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous as all hell and was terrified of what he assumed was an inevitable rejection though.

A sudden weight was pressed against Yosuke’s shoulder and side, cutting him out of his Gay Panic, and immediately gaining his attention. The object of his thoughts was currently resting his head on Yosuke’s shoulder, close enough that he could feel his comforting body heat against him. Yosuke couldn’t help but briefly wonder if Souji could read his mind and decided to take initiative when he realized that Yosuke wouldn’t, but that would be ridiculous. 

The brunette’s heart beat had noticeably elevated, and he hoped that he wasn’t the only one. The only light source in the room was the TV screen in front of them, and from Yosuke’s current position he couldn’t see Souji’s face clearly without moving, which would disrupt the comfortable state they were both in. He just hoped that the boy leaning against him was blushing and was just as embarrassed as he was.

“Is this okay?” Souji muttered, and Yosuke noted that he sounded like he was getting tired.

“Yeah.” Yosuke’s embarrassment was beginning to fade and be replaced by a soothing warmth. “You getting tired?”

Souji nodded against Yosuke’s shoulder, the mop of silver hair tickling the other’s neck.

“Want to go to bed then?”

“The movie’s almost over, I can wait.”

_ “I’m too comfortable to move, anyway” _ is what Yosuke  _ thought  _ he heard his partner murmur as a follow up.

“Alright.” Yosuke agreed, and turned his eyes towards the screen despite the fact that the only thing he could pay attention to was how close Souji was to him.

It was probably only three minutes later that Yosuke noticed his best friend’s breathing had slowed and a soft snoring could be heard next to him. A quick peek at the clock showed that it was only 11:30, which was a bit earlier than Yosuke himself usually fell asleep. He wasn’t too surprised considering he was well aware of all the activities that kept Souji busy during the week, and the poor guy never seemed to stop moving. 

The movie credits were rolling by now, and Yosuke’s shoulder was beginning to ache from the weight of Souji’s head being supported by it, but even still he didn’t have the heart to wake up his partner. Even despite his shoulder- and his arm beginning to fall asleep as he now realized- he liked the feeling of Souji’s body pressed against his side. Yosuke concluded that  _ surely _ it would be okay to stay like this for a bit longer before he had to wake him up and they both returned to their futons for the night. It also came to Yosuke’s realization that Souji was currently unconscious and wouldn’t notice if Yosuke wrapped his arm around him and pulled him closer- though he doubted that he would mind even if he was awake.

Yosuke slowly began to wiggle his arm in order to free it from in between his and Souji’s bodies, careful not to accidentally wake the sleeping boy next to him. Souji groaned slightly from the movement much to Yosuke’s alarm, but quieted and continued laying motionless as suddenly as he’d stirred. The appendage was lifted over both of their heads and rested on the back of the couch, stretching slightly to get blood flowing again. Yosuke gently placed his head on top of Souji’s own, and moved his arm around his shoulders to pull his partner closer so that the two were practically cuddling. Or perhaps it was  _ actually _ cuddling.

The credits had ended at this point, and the movie had returned to the menu screen, but Yosuke still didn’t make any move to disturb Souji. He was beginning to get sleepy as well, and he knew that if they both slept like this for the night their necks and backs would be aching tomorrow, but he could wait a little longer. He liked the feeling of being so close to the person he loved, and he was finally starting to accept that Souji  _ probably _ liked him back. The thought of confessing was still mortifying to him, and he doubted he would have enough guts to actually say something any time soon, but he had time. Even though his heart sped up and his stomach did flips at Souji’s presence, he wouldn’t dare bring it up in conversation until he was good and ready. 

He was fine.

There was no need to rush.

 

Two shadows sat on the steps of a castle they had somehow wandered to while walking around aimlessly for some time. It was a rare moment when the duo was able to relax without a constant ache telling them that they needed to be closer. The one with silver hair was resting his head against the brunette’s shoulder, while the brunette had his arm wrapped lazily around him. They both had a feeling of frustration building inside of them that was directed at two human beings in particular, but had managed to temporarily quell it so they could both enjoy the peaceful fog in each other’s embrace.

 

\---

 

Souji and Yosuke’s Shadows didn’t waste any time after their lips met, immediately moving their mouths together in unison in a sloppy and indignified fashion. At this point, neither of them seemed to care, only noticing that the growing feeling that _ they just weren’t close enough _ was growing larger and larger, begging for as much contact as possible. Yosuke’s Shadow moved his hands around Souji’s Shadow’s back and sides, touching as much of him as he could reach, while the other was pressing his hand against the back of Shadow Yosuke’s head, practically smashing their faces together. If they were aware of themselves and their surroundings instead of acting on pure instinct, they would have noticed that it wasn’t very pleasant.

Both were uncertain who initiated it or if it was mutual, but both Shadows had their tongues shoved in each other’s mouths, rubbing and sliding the appendages together. Souji’s Shadow vaguely noticed that Yosuke’s Shadow tasted slightly bitter and alcoholic. He’d taken a drink from the liquor store earlier if he recalled correctly. No other reason had been given except “Why not?” and Shadow Souji hadn’t bothered to stop him considering he agreed with the short excuse. He wasn’t even sure if they were affected by alcohol in the first place.

Drool pooled at the corners of each of their mouths and dripped down their chins, creating a disgusting and uncomfortable feeling, yet neither cared enough to pull away and wipe their mouths clean. They knew they were a mess. They knew it was unconventional. They knew it looked and felt gross.

They’d learned a long time ago that it didn’t matter anymore.

 

\---

 

The third time the Shadows felt relief from their desire for closeness was much different than the previous two times. It was much more than a chance to relax, which was bewildering in itself. It brought them both an unfamiliar sense of comfort.

Because that’s what it was meant to do.

The gesture had no romantic intent to it, and romance hadn’t even crossed Souji’s mind when he moved forward and pulled Yosuke into his arms. Seeing your best friend, partner, and one of the people you cared for most break down crying in front of you was something you didn’t witness everyday. Souji had a brief moment of panic at first, unsure of what he was supposed to do in this situation. He let emotions rule over his decision, allowing his legs to walk two steps towards the emotionally drained highschooler, and pulled Yosuke into an embrace.

His partner remained silent for only a few seconds before saying, “You dumbass… That’s for girls…”

Souji made no move to remove his arms.

“It hurts damnit…” Yosuke resumed crying, but wrapped his own arms around Souji and buried his face into his best friend’s shoulder. 

Souji could feel Yosuke’s tears making his shirt damp, but it didn’t bother him in the slightest. He could cry as long as he needed to.

For the first time since they’d come into existence, Shadow Yosuke and Shadow Souji both had the strange feeling that everything would be alright.

 

\---

 

Slowly entering the conscious world, Souji Seta’s eyes began to peak open, and he became aware of the sunlight pouring into his room through the window. He hadn’t heard his alarm clock go off yet, so it was safe to say it was before 6:30am. The gears in his mind slowly began to turn, becoming more aware of the world around him. It was Sunday, right? He had the day off. There wasn’t really a reason to be awake this early, but he’d always been a morning person, so it didn’t matter to him. 

Still not fully awake, but awake enough to become responsive, Souji noticed that he felt a bit… sticky… 

He let out a groan and pulled off the cover to his futon, and sure enough there was a noticeable wet spot on his pajama pants. Much to his dismay, wet dreams were starting to become more common for the silver haired boy as of late. From what he could piece together, most of those dreams involved a certain Junes employee, which wasn’t as surprising as it should have been. 

Souji thought for a moment, trying to piece together whatever the hell last night’s dream entailed. A quick flash of memory showed him making out with Yosuke in the stopping district before things started to escalate. 

How lovely. 

The young man rolled out of his futon and moved to his drawers to pull out his pants and a clean pair of underwear. It was still early, but he might as well get dressed for the day instead of just putting more pajamas on.

_ ‘Might as well make breakfast too.’ _

One of the many reasons Souji liked cooking was that it gave him a chance to think. While he would gather ingredients, put everything together, and cook them, his mind would end up wandering about random things ranging from “important” to “completely irrelevant.” Today’s thoughts were some that he deemed would go in the “important” category. 

It was no secret that he liked Yosuke- well, no secret to himself at least- but he didn’t think it was bad enough to warrant having wet dreams about your partner two or three days a week. He wished that he could be in a relationship with Yosuke, sure, but he mostly just wanted to be able to do small, mindless couple things. Holding hands, leaning on each other’s shoulders, hugging… Well, technically they’d already done all of those things, but Souji was sure they would feel much different if they were actually dating. It was almost maddening holding in his feelings, especially when he felt a sudden surge of emotion whenever his partner was around. One of the main things holding him back was Yosuke’s obvious distaste for same sex relationships, but… He’d reciprocated Souji’s gestures before, hadn’t he? He’d even initiated a few of his own.

The rice cooker made a noise signaling that the rice was finished.

_ ‘Maybe it  _ **_is_ ** _ worth a shot.’ _ Souji thought to himself as he filled two bowls with rice- one for him and one for Nanako.

If Yosuke didn’t feel the same, it would definitely crush him, but he would get over it. It would be much better than having his romantic feelings bottled up all the time. He’d like to think that his and Yosuke’s bond was strong enough that Yosuke wouldn’t completely disown him for admitting his feelings. It was probably true, but it felt like it would be a bit of a gamble. Getting over a rejection was much easier than being uncertain if your feelings were unrequited though, right?

Souji placed the rice and miso soup on the table before glancing at the clock. It was almost 7am, so Nanako should be waking up soon.

Souji pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled down to Yosuke’s contact. A wet dream convincing you to admit your feelings to someone didn’t feel like the best way to go, but… He’d rather do it now while he still had the courage.

**[Seta - 6:48am]** Hey. Do you want to meet up later?

**[Hanamura -  6:49am]** yea sure!! im free today u wanna hang out?

**[Seta - 6:49am]** Yeah, I need to talk to you about something important. What’s the easiest place to meet?

**[Hanamura - 6:51am]** uhh is samegawa good? if its something important itd probs be best if there isnt a lot of other ppl around

**[Hanamura - 6:51am]** is everything ok tho???

**[Seta - 6:52am]** Everything’s fine. There’s just been something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about for a while. Don’t stress out about it, okay?

**[Hanamura - 6:53am]** k but wat time do u want 2 meet? were both already awake so we could prob just meet early.

**[Seta - 7:13am]** Sorry, I just finished eating breakfast with Nanako. Is 9 good?

**[Hanamura - 7:15am]** lmao its fine i just ate 2. 9 is good!! ill see you then. : )

Souji took a deep breath and smiled to himself. He hadn’t expected Yosuke to be up this early, but that was fine, it gave him a smaller window of opportunity to chicken out. Oddly enough, the smile Yosuke attached to his last message gave him an extra boost of courage. Hopefully he could see his actual smile soon.

“Are you meeting up with Yosuke today, big bro?” Nanako asked while she dried one of the bowls she’d just washed with a towel.

“Yeah, actually.” Souji shoved his flip phone into his pocket and turned his attention to his little cousin, “How’d you guess?”

“You were smiling at your phone and always look happy when you talk to him!” The little girl beamed.

Souji blinked as he processed her words.”You’re right. I guess am happy when I talk to him.”

There really was no backing out now.

**Author's Note:**

> Have you guys ever had that feeling when you’re hugging someone that you aren’t close enough? I had that feeling sometimes when I was a kid, and I mean really young. Probably 6 or so. Since I was so young, it wasn’t sexual by any means, I just felt like I wasn’t close enough to the person I was hugging no matter how hard I squeezed. I remembered the feeling when I was brainstorming for fic ideas, so I incorporated it into shadow!souyo. I hope some of you guys have had this feeling so you have a bit of an understanding of how shadow!souyo are feeling. It’d probably make the story a little easier to understand. It’s kind of a sense of longing, you know?  
> 


End file.
